♀~*BiTtEr SwEeT*~♀

The heart is an awfully mysterious object even to its own possessor
It desires things it can't have
Contradicts whatever it owns
And holds strongly to whatever it believes...

The mind however is another complexity
So easily influenced by the heart at times
Yet there are moments so often that it's stubborn too
Refusing to listen to the heart even when the heart is speaking the truth...

BUT I BELIEVE MY HEART AND MY MIND ARE FAR MORE WORSE THAN THAT

The heart says 'yes' when the mind is practically screaming 'no'
The mind is chock-full of worries and distress when the heart is so at rest
The heart would not 'think' twice in resolving its craves
The mind nonetheless would simply come up with excuses just to be safe

Sometimes I wonder if I let my heart and my mind get the best of the other
I feel as if they're never in tune
They're playing the very same song but I can't hear the harmony at all
So the soul is left still silent and unsinging

Right now I'm residing with a numbness that's burning a hole right through my heart
And my mind is entirely to blame
So now you know the truth

All my life my mind has been the master
Deciding everything from my life to my love
It never actually gave my heart any chances
Now I'm left with regrets and still holding on to bygones which I just won't let to be bygones

Here I am now, alive and breathing, staring almost disbelievingly at a wide piece of paper announcing the death of He Who Shall Not Be Named. The announcement almost covered up the entire notice board located near the entrance of Gringotts Wizarding Bank. I'm not entirely surprised that it is. 

I never thought I’d live to see the day when Lord Voldemort finally dies. Now, saying his name doesn’t sting like it used to though it has already left a stain in my memory since the day I was born. Actually, I wasn’t technically there to see the Dark Lord perish on the battle field but the commemoration the magical world is having to celebrate his death and the heroes who saved us all from chaos certainly confirms it. The news of his death together with the names of all his followers who had died with him were also posted up everywhere on the streets of Diagon Alley. I scanned through the names and found my parents’ in the list. However, relieved as I am, all of it is too overwhelming, too surreal for me to take in all at once.

I can’t help but let the unending tears drip down the edge of my chin. I’m just too relieved for words. It feels as if I took in a breath of fresh air for the very first time--Or something maybe more relieving as that. He’s gone and this time it’s for good. Just like many others who were born into a Death Eater family, I’m left with scars both noticeable and hidden that are going to remind me of all the torment I’ve been through since I was a child. All my life, Voldemort has been the one revolving around it. Not anymore. His death is a start of a new beginning for all of us who had suffered.

Unfortunately, the misery I’ve went through in my childhood and the abusing of my parents as I was growing up is going to stay in my memory too. Their obsession with Voldemort, power and money had really driven them to total insanity. Surely, it’s going to make me scream in my sleep and wake me up in the middle of the night crying hysterically. It’s going to take a hell lot more than time to heal my wounds. It’s going to take a lot of forgiving and forgetting.

Even now that my parents are dead too, I can’t help but wonder if things would have been different for our family had Voldemort never existed or my parents were never Death Eaters in the first place. Would all our lives be better? Would we be a loving family? I thought of millions of what ifs but they were still just what ifs. At least even having gone through hell, a Death Eater family has shown me it’s not impossible to let love and the importance of family prevail. I envied them so much. I envied that he has everything that I ever wanted despite all the flaws that’s in him and his family. I would give anything to have what the Malfoy family have and that is love and family.

To come and think of it, the only times when I was happy are the times I spent around Draco. It came to me as a surprise that all our pretending and the shows we put on for our audience back when we were in Hogwarts had given me great comfort. I hated it all in the beginning and I hated Draco and his existence. I loathed him because he had what I didn’t have, which was a real family. I hated him also because my parents wanted me to have a close knit relationship with him just to keep our alliance with the Malfoy family strong.

I never thought that Draco would actually understand my situation but he did. He knew exactly what I was going through so he agreed to play along with me if I did the same for him. For the both of us, it was to keep our parents’ reputation eminent. We didn’t have to actually like each other in that game but somehow, we ended up do liking each others company. Surprise, surprise. Even if we were pretending in front of others, the two of us knew the truth about each others lives and we kept it between us. That’s what actually bonded us. When it was just us two, we didn’t have to hide anything because we had the same flaws, made the same mistakes and felt the exact same way about our messed up situation.

Not only that, but being around Draco gave me a little taste of what family really means. He was the closest thing I had to a loving family. Draco gave me a little piece of his family during all my years in Hogwarts and through the years, he and his family had been there for me. Everything we went through together made me realize how much I actually love the boy. I would never ever forget him and his family--Ever. Their names are not on the list so I guess they're still alive and I really hope their doing well recovering from the cruel past. I'm sure they deserve to start over and go on with better lives.  

“Number 44!” a grouchy voice called out.

I wiped my face with the ends of my sleeves and walked towards the only open counter in the bank. A goblin sitting on a high stool looked up intently at me with its beady eyes from behind the counter.

“I’m number 44,” I said, handing over a small piece of paper with the number 44 scribbled on it.

The goblin took it without breaking his stare.

“Miss Parkinson, I’m so sorry for your loss. Here are your inheritance papers.”

I replied him with a smile and turned to walk away.

I don’t really give a damn about what I’m going to inherit. My parents probably left me less than enough.

I shoved the papers into my bag and dragged my feet towards the exit still with a lot in my mind.

“Pansy?”

I twirled around to see who called me and my heart immediately stopped when I saw him standing right before my eyes.

“I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

I wanted to respond but the words are left stuck inside my throat. I couldn’t help but just stand motionless in front of him. All that was going through my head were the words, it's him. Now, my heart began racing like a train that's out of control.

“I knew you’d be here. You don’t know how glad I am to see you. My parents are out looking for you too.”

He suddenly stifled a laugh and then smiled at me.

“Hey, say something, will ya?” he said.

Finally, I managed to speak.

“I’m trying but—But I really don’t know what to say. What are—”

All of a sudden, he walked over to me and did the most unexpected thing. Before I could say anything more, he already had his lips pressed against mine. After what seemed like a minute to me, he broke a few inches apart from where I stood. Then, he looked intensely into my eyes, almost as if he saw everything that was hidden behind it. My thoughts and my soul. A smile carved on his face.

"My family and I are leaving the country to start all over. We want you to come along with us."

I just stared at him. I couldn't believe what he just said. I was wondering if I was hearing right.

“Say you'll come with us. Say you'll come home with me.”

The unceasing tears which I put to stop just a while ago began to pour out again. I looked at his face-- Blurry through my tears.

“Go home with you?” I manage to chock out.  

“You don’t want to?” he asked with an eyebrow raised at me.

I vigorously shook my head and lunged myself into him.

“Of course I want to.”

I felt his body shook as he laughed.

“You almost had me there.”

I let go of the embrace and smiled up at him. He stroked my cheek gently with his hands.

“Now, let’s go look for my parents, shall we?” he said, smiling back.

He took my hands and led me out of the bank. I know as we walked hand in hand that the new beginning of my life has finally started. A miracle has happened. I’m given the chance to start over my life with what I wanted for so long. I could never ask for more…

A One Shot Story By,
River Rogue/Erica.

He noticed a dark hooded figure entering the inn as he sat in a far corner of the room. There was nothing very interesting about the hooded figure yet he couldn't help but fix his gaze upon it like a hawk. His eyes followed its every move, from the second it showed up at the door until it came to an empty table in the center of the inn. His stare was not broken. No one else in the inn bothered to notice such a plain ordinary looking creature but he paid such focus and attention on it that somehow, it began to be the only thing that was around--The only thing in plain sight inside that crowded place. The dark hooded figure sat down still and quiet.
    As it sat motionless, he noticed that the noise inside the inn began to slowly fade out. The thunderous voices of drunkards and shrilly tones of female servers seemed as if it were drowning inside the silence of the mysterious hooded person. It was clear to hear the crowd’s noise at first but it appeared to have slowly faded out and then moments later, it died into an empty silence. He wondered if he was imagining it and at the moment of that thought, time stood still. Every motion from laughing men to wine flowing from a flagon paused in time.
    Such a strong force was attracting him to the hooded person but he persistently fixed his stare. At an instant, it got to its feet and walked slowly towards him. He noticed this and began to feel a certain terror rising inside him. He wanted to break the stare and run but it was impossible. It already had him under its spell. Standing before him, it placed its hands on his face and raised it so that his eyes were staring into its own. Then, it spoke in the most familiar voice, "You have something that belongs to me and I want it back..."

All I know was that I loved you
What I didn't know was that it wasn't true
I thought it was but you were just playing along
You played along until you got so bored

So, you got so bored but you've won the game
This game of love that left me so insane
Now it has become another topic of yours to boast
How can I forget that love was just a game to most

To have let myself go beyond the right was absurd
Now I'm in the wrong but I'll be better--You have my word
My heart's not as weak as you think it is
It's much more stronger and I thank you for this

Now a vision of us two stays locked behind bars
It's a crime to let it lose and wander far
A lifetime in my heart's prison there it will stay
I'll let it age there until it dies and rots away

No I'm not going to keep any fragment of those memories
Not even the smallest, littlest, tiniest piece
Nor would I dig it up again from its rightful grave
It's meant to be where it is-- Unseen and unsaved

You are now but a distant memory
Turning into an old famous song that's been long forgotten by many
Though it won't be an easy task for me to heal
I'm going to let myself continue to love and to feel...

Another poem inspired by another person's beautiful disaster...

Wedding ceremonies have never failed to bring tears to my eyes. An overpowering joy always sweeps through my entire body when I perceive a dumbfounded groom standing at the steps of the altar, awaiting his bride anxiously as she walks elegantly down the aisle. It touches me more once the ceremony is ended with, “You may kiss the bride.” That part of a wedding ceremony always gets the best of my emotions. The last wedding I went to was just as same and joyous for me but alas, not for another person.

    My best friend Damien had just gotten married a month ago. The girl he had married was someone he had been with for almost a year. Her name was Alice. His relationship with Alice was something very special. Heather, who is a close friend to both me and Damien since our childhood wasn’t as supportive as I was with the relationship the two shared. She didn’t really approve of the two being together but never said anything to Damien because she was afraid to offend him. For our best friend’s sake, Heather somehow took the opportunity to get to know Alice and all at once, the both became friends.

    Just after eight months of being together, Damien and Alice announced at a New Year’s Eve dinner to their families and close friends that they would be tying the not. Most of us were just taken aback by the whole thing but nothing compared to the bolt of shock that Heather seemed to show on her face. It was like a brick between her eyes—Right in the forehead. I was the only one who probably noticed this because other people were frantically going over to the young couple and giving their heartiest congratulations to the both of them. I was extremely happy for my best friend and his new fiancée to be but somehow the expression that Heather showed on her face made me feel otherwise. I saw how Heather took it to every bit of her strength and went up to congratulate both Damien and Alice. Heather was always good with hiding her true feelings and putting on a fake smile. As her best friend, I knew that was what she was doing. The smile carved on her face was merely put on for show. As her best friend, I knew I had to find out what was really bothering her.

    I took the time to sit and talk to Heather after the dinner and just by mentioning Damien’s name, she went to an endless shedding of tears. That night, I cried with her as she told me how long she had been keeping her true feelings for Damien hidden away in her heart. She told me she had always loved him but never took the chance to declare her love to him. She was just too scared to do it.

“Ten long years have I secretly loved him and ten long years I’ve been waiting for him to realize it. He never did…”

    Heather’s voice trembled as she spoke. I couldn’t help but open my heart to take in and share the pain she felt. My mind started to go down memory lane. Then I remembered how Damien and Heather could be seen growing up together and doing just about everything together until they got into high school. Sure I was close to the both of them too but since I was about three years younger than the two, I didn’t really share a very special bond that the two have as friends. I always had a slight feeling Heather might have had feelings for Damien but I’d shrug it off and tell myself it wasn’t likely. I was probably being in denial about it. Heather went on telling me how hard it was to open up to Damien about how she truly felt. Just when she thought she finally had the guts to make the first move, after all those years of keeping it stashed away deep inside her heart, Damien dropped a bombshell on her.

“I’m in love! Her name’s Alice!” he told her out of the blue.

    What a way to start off the New Year’s! Two best friends crying over what seemed like a television soap opera coming to life sent the two of us into a despairing New Year’s Day. After the day Heather poured out the truth she successfully hid away all those years, she seemed like an entirely new person. She was walking with her head held high and she was smiling most of the time. I didn’t know whether to believe it or not but somehow what she said convinced me that she was over the whole thing.

“Renee, I think that talk we had the other day really did me good! It put some sense into my head. I realize now that Damien isn’t who I’m destined to be with,” she told me one day.

 “I guess its fate that he and Alice are meant for each other! Alice is an amazing woman and it’s no doubt that she’s the right one for Damien,” she added, laughing and smiling as she spoke.

“Besides, it’s a start of the new year! I don’t want to go on living my life with a broken pride and a long face when there’s a New Year’s resolution to accomplish!”

     Yes, I believed her every word. I was really glad to know that everything that hurt her and burdened her was finally lifted off from her shoulders. I’ve never seen her so happy in my entire life. For the first time in a long time, she finally started dating again which was a total relief. I was just glad that she was happy and my burden of knowing a best friend was in pain was also lifted off from my shoulders.

    In early February, the wedding preparations have begun. Heather and I helped Alice with wedding plans and she appointed Heather as the maid of honor and me as one of her bride’s maids. Heather was extremely ecstatic about it and she did everything in her power to help Alice plan the perfect wedding.

    Months went by and finally, on the 29^th of December, Damien and Alice were about to be united in marriage at a church located in our old hometown. It was a beautiful day and everything just seemed so perfect that day. The sky that day had never looked so blue. I prepared a box of tissue for myself knowing how I would turn out during the ceremony.

    I remember getting ready to get into the church. The bride stood at the back of the line with her father beside her and her maid of honor behind her. The rest of us bride’s maids lined up at the front. I could tell how nervous Alice was feeling but it was the good kind of nervous that she felt. The church doors finally opened and the sound of angelic voices of the church choir exploded melodiously through the open doors. We entered the church and walked down the aisle, leading the bride to her groom. I took a glimpse of my best friend Damien and I saw an awed expression slapped on his face. It was a Kodak moment.

    We finally reached the altar and the wedding ceremony begun right away. I was trying very hard not to shed any tears that day but it was such a difficult task. My eyes never shifted away from the beautiful bride and the handsome groom. At that moment, I was just absolutely oblivious to everything else around me as I concentrated very hard on the wedding ceremony. I took in every essence of word the priest spoke. The sermon that was given was so poignant and heartfelt that I could barely hold back my tears. I gave in and finally, I was in sobs even before the exchange of wedding vows.

    Finally, the part I loved the most during a wedding ceremony happened.

“You may kiss the bride,” said the smiling priest and then again, I was sent to tears. The groom kissed his bride and all cheered. Later after the wedding ceremony, everyone headed out of the church to take groups photos with the newlyweds. The wedding ended well and after that, we had the wedding reception at a hotel in the city. Everyone had a blast but it wasn’t much fun without my best friend Heather there with me. She had to leave immediately after the wedding at church because an emergency with work came up that day. It was short notice and I begged her to stay back but she said it couldn’t be helped although she did want to party badly with me that same night. In the end I let her go and she promised she’d be back in a week. She was such in a rush that she left without telling the newlyweds and I had to speak on behalf of her.

    A week went by but she never came home. I thought maybe she had to stay away longer for another week or so for work. Just to make sure, I tried contacting her. I couldn’t get through to her phone and when I emailed her, she never replied. Two weeks went by and still no respond. I was becoming anxious. I met up with a colleague of hers for lunch after the two weeks and asked about Heather’s whereabouts. I had a slap on the face when I came to know the real truth.

“I’m so sorry. I promised to keep it a secret but you seem so worried about her and considering that you’re her best friend and you need to know the truth, I guess it’s best if I just told you. Heather quit her job three weeks ago and the only thing she mentioned to me was that she bought a ticket to Spain. She said she was going to start anew over there though I have entirely no idea why she has to go that far! She also told me that once she settles down there and finds her peace of mind, she’d come back to visit.”

    I think my mouth was gapping open the entire time she spoke and each truth she unraveled seemed to be a hard knock on the head. I wasn’t outraged by the whole thing but I was hurt. I really did thought that she was over it. I had no idea it was all lie and pretend.

    I got back home the same day after the lunch and checked my mailbox. The wedding photos from Damien and Alice that I have been long waiting for had finally arrived. I looked through the other envelopes and stumbled on an envelope that had Spanish stamps on it. I hastily got into the house and opened the envelope.

Dear Renee,

I’d like to start off this letter with a million apologies to you. I lied to you. I’m not on a business trip and I’m not in the country like I’ve told you. As you’ve seen on the envelope, I’m in Spain now. I’m starting over with my life here. I’ll be staying here for quite some time so you wouldn’t be expecting me back home any time soon.

    I bet you have an idea in your head as to why I’m doing this. I hope you’re not angry at me but if you are I guess you have every right to be. I’m doing this for my own sake so whatever you say now won’t change my mind. I’m so sorry Ren. As much as I’ve wanted to tell you, I just couldn’t! I know if I did you’d be affected by it too and I don’t want you to go around brooding away because of me. You’ve been like a sister to me my entire life. You’re the sister I’ve never had so I’d like to take this opportunity to thank you for all that you’ve done for me. I’m entirely grateful for that! All these time you’ve been the one to hold me up and support me but I have to learn to do without you. I must learn to stand on my own two feet.

    I think Spain is a great place to start over. I don’t know why but it just feels like it. I’ve had my heart set on a Spanish holiday for a very long time and I guess I’m using this situation as an excuse to just go for it. The heart’s going to take some time or probably a long time to heal. Time does heal the heart. I really thought it was easy to let go of the love you want but just can’t have. I thought I was strong enough. Damn, I was wrong. It hurts tremendously that it could kill me but I promise you, when I’m better, I’ll fly back to visit you, okay? I just hope it’s soon. I’ve already started missing you when I got on the plane to Spain!

    Well, I’ll write to you again real soon. Don’t reply my letter because I’m not using a permanent address. Once I’ve got one, I’ll tell you. Oh yea! Please, please, please I beg you, don’t cry when you’re reading this letter! Or at least don’t go on living everyday of your life feeling depressed because of me! You don’t have to feel bad or upset for me. I’m actually doing great here in Spain and so far, life has been very kind to me here so please, whatever you do, just live your days with sincere happiness. Do it for me because knowing that you’re happy, I’m happy too!

    If anyone asks about me, just say that I’m on a long business trip overseas, okay? Thanks! I’ll write soon. Love you lots and God bless!!

Love,
Heather.

    At the end of the letter, I had already soaked about half the paper with tears. Sure I was hurt at first but I knew nothing compared to the hurt Heather felt. She was irrational for making up her mind like that especially without telling me but I guess when you’re heart is broken, you’d do absolutely anything just to stop it from hurting. In her case, I guess she didn’t want to get me involved knowing how extremely bad I am at handling those kinds of situation. I felt bad for not noticing it sooner. I felt bad for being incapable of helping her more. How come I didn’t see it? Where did I go wrong?

     After wiping away the tears from my eyes, I opened the envelope containing the wedding photos. I looked intently at one of it for a long time. I recalled feeling so happy that day for the newlyweds and to how oblivious I was to everything and everyone else around me especially to Heather. I scanned the photo for her and caught her image. She was standing right next to me, smiling. I looked closely and there I saw the truth only someone who had paid more attention could have really seen. There was nothing but pain and frustration in her eyes…  

    I can tell you honestly that I've been depriving myself of anything that has got to do with falling in love lately. So far, I've got no strings attached and I'm damn happy about it-- Well, most of the time I am. Unfortunately, the emptiness will sometimes start to build up inside of my heart and I will have the yearning for someone to help fill the emptiness. This usually happens after I’ve watched movies like Pride & Prejudice, The Wedding Date and not forgetting almost every girl’s all time favorite movie, A Walk To Remember. It’s a very clichéd thing when the girl ends up with the guy at the end of the movie and then lives happily ever after. That situation bothers me a lot but it’s also something that triggers my mixed up emotions and I would want a happily ever after to happen to myself. I'm only human… No one can resist love. However, I don’t let things like what I see in movies get into my head so easily anymore. Besides, nothing you see in movies really actually happen in real life. You’re probably wondering. Why do I deny myself from something so beautiful, so perfect-- Something that defines the state of bliss? There are plenty reasons to go around but I think it's best if I only mention a few.

    Well firstly, I fell in love before only to have my heart bruised. You’re probably thinking, ‘Doesn’t that happen to everyone?’. Well, of course it does but when it happened to me, I knew in my heart that I’d perhaps go through many more heartaches if I wasn’t cautious with my own emotions. Anyway, the thing is, I was in a silly situation where the guy I fell for happened to be a very close friend. He happened to already have a significant other but I was just too stupid and naive to make myself realize it until I had a very cruel reality check on Valentine’s Day. I cried a lot and was very depressed for weeks. The funniest thing that I cried over was is when I listened to Enrique Iglesias' song, ‘Somebody's Me’. I even called it my theme song. It’s a tremendously heartbreaking song and I played it over and over again just so I could purposely make myself cry. I thought maybe if I cried it all out, I’ll be able to get over the whole thing a little faster. Some people use this phrase: ‘Cry me a river, build a bridge and get over it’ and I thought maybe that’s my solution for mending my broken heart. Alas, it didn’t work for me at all. Fortunately, it didn't take me decades to get over the heartache. I just needed some time and Time did a good job with healing my heart. Now that I look back at the whole thing, I can't help but smile and sometimes even laugh at it all. 'Silly girl...' Nothing has changed between my friend and me though. It's only that my feelings for him have died down but my friendship with him is still as it is to this day. I’m especially thankful for that.

    Secondly, I've experienced the pain that others went through. As the saying goes, ‘seeing is believing’. And I have definitely seen and so, I believe. I've seen people dear to me get hurt. I've seen the tears they've cried. I've heard the yelling. I've tasted the bitterness of their anger. I've felt their pain... And I hated it. Heck, I went through a share of those broken hearts myself.

    I've seen the realities of being in love. By just watching the truth behind love that goes on in the whole world today, I get really scared. I have been telling myself to be careful because as far as I know, love can either be true or just total deceit. So, I don't in fact trust in love. I always thought love was something good and pure but the world has shown me otherwise. From my point of view, these days, love has been stained and most of the time, it has been given a bad name. Don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against love. I love 'LOVE'. I’m just being careful. Right now, I'm not really depriving myself from falling in love or being in love-- I'm simply waiting...

    But who am I to say that love should be perfect all the time? As a matter of fact, it's not perfect, never was and perhaps never will be. Our world proposes too much for our eyes to see and for our hearts to feel. No one is strong enough to conquer over the hate and temptation the world has to offer. But with true love, the worst things in life are possible to conquer. Only few really understand the meaning of true love and abide by the factual meaning of it. To be frank, I’m one who still doesn’t understand it.

    One day, I will be in love with someone. Today, I'm just waiting for that day to happen but not now at the moment. I still need time to understand. I know I'm not ready for it. I could just have fun and not have that sick and sappy feeling when I'm with someone but I won't let myself go through that situation of flings and one night stands. I'm not against it for others but just and only just for myself. To me, love is serious business and it should never be taken advantage of nor should it be taken for granted. I know I probably sound very cheesy and dorky in many ways and perhaps I sound like some kind of saint to you but the thing is, I’m not a saint. This is just how I look at things. This is me and I know I'm definitely not the only one who wants a fairytale love story...

    Anyway, when I'm finally with that someone I'm truly, madly and deeply in love with, I will be prepared and surely I'd also be ready to go through the realities of being in love by then. I won't make myself believe too much in a perfect love life but more to the imperfections love has to offer. To me, getting to know the imperfections first is getting to know the true perfection love really is. When you know the imperfections, you will be able to fix it. That's how perfection is created. Then again, having to go through massive break-ups with maybe more than a person is no doubt, something that happens to many and it happens most of the time. Breaking-up I guess is another way we find ourselves with the ultimate right person in the end. I don't think you will understand me but I can't explain it in a simpler way so I'm very sorry...

    Okay, what I've told you and everything I mentioned is just me and how I look at things. I may sound like I’ve been brought up in the old traditional way but no, not really. This is based on my own opinion and maybe you guys reading this may not even like what I’ve written down but it’s okay to criticize. If anyone of you is offended in any way, please don’t be. Everyone has their views on love and this is mine. Things like this are not usually something typical most would speak of to others and I’m not the type who really likes to be so out spoken especially when it comes to topics about love. Anyway, instead of speaking about it, I’d prefer just writing it down. I’m glad that I did because not only am I sharing my thoughts with others, I was also able to reflect on my own feelings...

Written from the heart by:

Someone who just wants to put her thoughts down…

Needless to say how funny it was back then
I was just a young and naive teenage friend
And you-- A much older young man
The first ever guy who gave a funny excuse-- Just to hold my hand.

It was funny-- Now that I look back at it
I always thought it will hurt me whenever you came by
To think about those times I thought I'll never get over it
I always thought those memories will make me cry.

Well, I guess I just needed some time to recover
And I finally did, you know?
Those memories we shared are just a reminder
How love is what makes us grow.

I still remember how you made me feel
You made me feel for the first time what it's like to be in love
And I know it wasn't fake but real
And I thank you for showing me the meaning of 'love'.

Now that I've finally gotten over you
I still look back and I still call you friend
And I'm glad to have a friend as sweet and kind as you
I had no regrets from the beginning until the end.

Now that I have put the past behind
I don't need to feel hurt anymore-- I don't need to cry
Someday I know the right person for me I will find
You are blessed to have found yours-- Even before I came by.

-Eca-

(An Event On The 10th Of May 2008-- The Day I Moved On & Let Go! *claps hands*)

I'm a fool-- I know I am,
Leting myself get hurt-- Letting my heart be tammed.
Even if I walked out on you-- It's all the same,
I know I'll just come crawling back again.

Why do I want to be with someone like you?
I make myself wonder and others wonder too.
It's stupid to stick around and let my heart get bruised.
I guess it's plain to see how I'm addicted to you.

I'm in love-- There's nothing I can do.
I can't imagine myself with someone else but you.
We've been through hell together but so what?
Because I know-- This is what I want.

Just like a cigarette-- I need you.
Every minute, every hour-- Dusk and dawn.
I don't see any point in quitting on you.
One puff is all I need to keep on going on.

Like a cigarette-- I know you're bad.
I know the more I take you in-- The more I'm just killing myself.
But even if I know-- I don't give a damn-- I don't care,
Because you're that one puff I took that somehow made it all okay...

(Heartfelt words by Erica/Eca 2008 poem inspired by a friend and her story)

Little girl don't shed a tear
The world should never see you
Being in this kind of state
As you drown in your own fear

Don't cry out loud
So that people could hear
They would only laugh
Amused at your fear

The world wont understand
So don't tell it your story
The world wont give a damn
About the problems in your life

Keep them to yourself
Hide them from the world
Held your head up high
Show them you're strong

Stash away the cruel pain
The unbearable sufferings
The ugly memories
And show the world you're alright

Get up and fight your own battle
Get up and fight for your rights
Get up and stand strong
For the world cannot help you find your courage

Little girl you will be fine
Just as long as you know yourself
As long as you trust no one but you
You will make it through life like a river to sea

Funny how we want to stay the way we are
But end up changed in the end?
Funny how we tell ourselves to change
But alas we still stay the same

The world isn't a perfect place for you and I
We sometimes think so but then change our minds
It so happens that today wasn't like yesterday
It's just because the world is spinning

You can't make her do the things you want her to
You can't make him do the things he wants to
You can't make yourself understand me
And you can't make me understand you

You wish that everyday would be the way you want it to
Wish that nothing in life would change for good
But those wishes can't come true
Because the world is always spinning

I somehow feel like there is absolutely no use
To try to understand how life is
To understand each others sympathic lives
Is like trying to understand how God really created everything

Easy for you to say that
Tomorrow's another day so move on
But it's hard to move on
Because the world never stops spinning

Life can't be all that you want it to be
People can't be all you want them to be
Things can't be all you want it to be
Nothing is all you ever wanted it to be

We tend to blame on what happened yesterday
Just because today did not go well
How can you manage to cope with that
As the world spins fast?

She stood outside the church compound
Dressed in a lovely white satin dress
She thanked God for the man she had found
As she made her way into the church

The church bells rang
The choir sang
And the angels above smiled
As she walked down the aisle

People cried tears of joy
Just by looking at this lovely bride
Everyone was there for the same reason
To witness the begining of two people

The lovely bride finally made it to the end
And faced the man she loved
He held his hands in hers
Not wanting to let go

Their eyes were set on each other
Their lives are meant for ech other
Their prayers were answered
Destiny braught them both together

Great happiness was in them
And so was everlasting love
No one could get between them
It was meant to be all along

Then it came to the important words
The one where they finally had to set their vow
The lovely bride said "I do"
The groom did too.

The groom lifted up her veil
And smiled when he saw her face
He leaned closer
And gave her a kiss on the lips

The lovely bride's fairytale finally came true
Her dreams fulfield
Maybe one day it will happen
to our impossible fairytales too

Everytime I see you
My heart starts to beat a tune
As everything freezes in time
My mind is set on you

I'm so foolish to feel this way
Knowing that I can't have you
I'm so helplessly in love
With someone like you

I'm telling myself to fight back
This feeling that never seems to go
I'd do anything to stop the thoughts of you
From entering my head

Don't you see?
It's not meant to be
So don't come to me
And say you love me

I'm fighting back
So you would leave me alone
I'm pushing you away
But secretly hoping that you'd come back

Why can't I just let go of this?
Why is it hard to fight back?
Why wont you leave me?
Even if I say you can't have me

From now onwards
I'd stay away from you
I feel upset of doing this
But it's only for our own good

So when you see me around
I beg you please look away
Don't approach me just turn around
and walk away

I asure you
There will be no regrets
You could wait for me
But sooner or later you will get bored

Wait for me if you want
Patience would soon find a way to me
But I wont be surprised if you stop waiting
Because there is already someone else whom you love

I wont regret that I pushed you away
I know what I did was right
So one day when you come by
You wont see me crying

Dear Friend,

    Just to let you know
That I'm glad that I met you
Glad to have known you
And glad to have been your friend

Even if we are worlds apart
We seem close no matter what
We still find our way back
To each others caring hearts

We may like different things
And come from different backgrounds
But we know that difference doesn't matter
Because deep inside we know we are the same

It's funny how we understand each other
When we don't make any sense
It's also funny how we understand each other
When nobody else can't

They may be times when we turn our backs
Because we need some space away from each other
And that space we needed felt like emptiness
Because friendship doesn't take up any space in people's hearts

I'm glad that my empty life has been filled by you
The empty spaces filled up with memories with you
The broken pieces all glued back
And the torn places all mended

I try so hard to do as well
But the harder I tried the harder I fell

I try so hard to look as good
But the harder I tried I lost my mood

I try so hard to be as patient
But the harder I tried I became more impatient

I can't seem to beat her
She won the game over and over again

I've lost count on how many times I've failed
It was too much for me to handle

She went through life like knife cutting through butter
I'm going through life like a stone through stone

I can't be as smart
I can't be as pretty
I can't be as calm
I can't be as active
I can't be as lovely
No I can't be like her

Reason? Because I'm not her....

So when you stumble on the two of us
Think nothing of comparing us
I am Me and She is Her
So deal with life that is already seen!